Lina Mahmoud finds chicken instead of beef served at scaled-down Sudanese weddings in Cairo Click to view caption The bride's family sat on the left side, and the groom's on the right. Between them stood a man, a mediator who loudly repeated everything said by the two parties so that everybody may hear it clearly. All eyes were on the imposing figure of the mediator. Negotiations proved difficult. The groom's family wanted to pay a dowry of 120 cows. But the bride's family insisted on 160 cows. After three hours of bargaining, the groom's family gave in to the bride's family's wishes and the party began at All Saints Cathedral in Zamalek, Cairo. Haggling over the dowry was only the first step in celebrating the marriage of the couple from the Dinka ethnic group of southern Sudan. The dowry is the most important component of the nuptial vows for all southern Sudanese ethnic groups. For the Dinka people, the dowry is always paid in cows. "The dowry largely depends on the height of the bride, the taller she is, the more cows she deserves. Here in Cairo, there are no cows. The bride and groom and their families decide upon the dowry which will be paid in Sudan," said Rachel Jones, a Sudanese Dinka woman. After the two families agreed upon the dowry, people began performing traditional Dinka songs and dances and traditional food was served. "In a day like this in Sudan, the bride's family slaughters a cow. It is our tradition. Here in Cairo we serve chicken," Jones added mournfully. The groom was sitting at the back. He did not participate in negotiations concerning the dowry, while the bride didn't come at all. The happy couple came back a week later for the wedding. The bride, wearing a white dress with elaborate henna decorations on her arms, and the groom in a smart black suit. They were received by the priests who officiated over the marriage ceremony in both the English and Arabic languages. Following the ceremony, a band of young men and women performed traditional music. "The bride and groom will stay in a hotel for two weeks," said Jones. "Tomorrow the groom's mother will visit the couple in the hotel to make sure the bride was a virgin. The bride's mother-in-law takes the white cloth stained with blood (proof of the bride's virginity) and stuffs it with money as a reward," added Jones. Another Sudanese wedding party took place in the evening at the same cathedral. This time, however, both the bride and the groom were absent. Women and girls were dressed casually, but they all wore the lawa -- a ceremonial brightly- coloured cloth tied to their left shoulders . Men tied their lawa with hand-made decorations on their right shoulders. Women danced and sang first in two queues moving in studied steps. Then men appeared in two other queues and danced with sticks in their hands. Afterwards they formed one queue and danced slowly in measured steps. The women formed a line so that each woman danced with a man. A man, presumably a lead singer, stood aside and the dancing couples sang back with him. He is the organiser of the dance, and the dancers closely follow his words, gestures and signals which are taken as strict commands. One of the rules of the dance is that if the man stops dancing, the woman dancing with him has to stop as well and get out of the line. Another dance followed in which the dancers formed a huge circle which as the dance went on was divided into smaller circles. The dance was the fastest and most interesting one of all the dances performed. Drums constituted the sole musical instrument, occasionally accompanied by clapping, stomping and foot-tapping. After the dance, delicious Sudanese food was served. The bride and the groom have been living in the United States for seven years. They met each other there by chance, fell in love, and decided to get married. On their wedding day, their two respective families, who live in Egypt, celebrated their marriage in the couple's absence in a traditional wedding party. However, guests lamented that it is difficult to throw big parties in Cairo like the wedding parties traditionally held among the Dinka and Shilluk people in Sudan. "Conditions here are too bad. Here the dowry is paid in money. And money is not as valuable as cows. Money doesn't give birth," says Elizabeth Doud Adoud, an elderly Dinka woman who lives in Arba'a-wi-noss in Nasr City's Hay Al-Ashir, one of the poorest slum areas of Cairo. Adoud's face glows with pride and dignity when she describes wedding ceremonies back in her native Sudan. "If the family approves of the boy, he must disappear for three years where he drinks milk only and eats nothing to build his body. After the three years are over, he returns and visits the family. If they like his figure a huge celebration takes place from the bridegroom's family house to the bride's with the dowry of 200 cows, the groom's family carrying the Sudanese flag. The festivities continue for eight days of traditional dance," said Adoud. "But," she added sadly, "The big festivities used to take place in times of peace. War threatens to erase all the beautiful Sudanese customs and traditions." The Shilluk people also have very rich marriage traditions. "The bride's family enquires about the groom's family and totem group. The most important thing they ask about is his totem. For some families, fish is a sacred totem, that cannot be eaten. If two people share the same totem, they are considered relatives and are forbidden to marry each other," says Joseph Fascal, a Sudanese Shilluk post-graduate student living in Cairo. "If the bride's family finds the boy suitable, they tell the girl that they agree. The girl then tells him to come and propose. At this point the bride and groom select two deputies each from among their friends who convey messages between the two parties," explained Fascal. The first thing the two families discuss is the girl's dowry which is very important for all Sudanese ethnic groups. Among the Shilluk people the dowry is defined by law as 10 cows, 40 goats, a spear, a kuocap -- a weapon of war -- two blankets, and two mosquito nets, explains Fascal. "That's why among the Shilluk people the girl chooses the man she wants to marry. Her family cannot force her to marry a richer man because the dowry is always the same. Our girls are free, they are not treated as goods. When a man marries, he believes his wife is his equivalent, no body asks about women's virginity, it is not important, just as a man's virginity is not," explained Fascal. However, because of the conditions of war and continuous emigration, wedding festivities no longer last for days. A small party is held in a church or club and the dowry is paid for the bride's family in Sudan, explains Fascal. In fact, Sudanese wedding celebrations in Egypt are rather restricted affairs. Relatively few people attend -- in Sudan thousands of people are usually invited. "In Egypt, life is already crowded, there is no space for holding such huge parties," says Ayman Hossein, a Sudanese graphic designer at Cairo Institute for Human Rights. Hossein believes the conservative Sudanese families (especially families from northern Sudan) meet serious problems when they are living away from Sudan. "They are encouraged to marry from the same ethnic group. If no suitable match is available, they have to wait. Men could break these rules, but women are not usually permitted to marry from outside the ethnic group," added Hossein. "In Egypt the bridegroom can't stay at his bride's family a week before the wedding," explained Hossein. "A party could not last for days due to economical conditions. Marriage traditions are liable to change especially in the face of rapid modernisation. Lately traditions and customs that are not in line with Islamic Shari'a laws are ruled out by the Islamist regime and the religious establishment," said Yussef Izat of the northern Sudanese Al-Mahria tribe. "If the wedding takes place in Egypt, everything is diminished and scaled down. We perform the Sudanese traditions that seem acceptable in the host Egyptian society or else we will look very strange. So we just hold a little party in a club or a house and that's it," explained Izat. In spite of the ethnic and religious diversity, and in spite of war and exile of many of the Sudanese people, they refuse to stop dancing and singing. But for how long will the old traditions and customs withstand the present difficult conditions?
